How NOT to Potty Train Your Children.
I have come up with so many good (terrible) ideas with this whole potty training thing, and my children are nowhere near being trained. They are boycotting the whole thing at this moment--they are over the praise, over the candy, over the run-fast/jump-high no-diaper feeling. They are utterly content in their nasty tail-flopping diapers. I finally caved and bought another $50 worth of diapers.
I failed to mention that my first potty progress with Arthur was facilitated by the fact that I set his potty in front of the TV and allowed him to watch it as long as he sat on the potty. He was so overdosed with cartoons that he relaxed enough to have some success. (And he refuses to go unless I approximate this same scenario most of the time.) Now I find myself continually rattling a jar of mixed candies in front of my children's faces, begging them to just stop long enough to sit on the potty. I'm so desperate, it's embarrassing. My lastest tactic is to just eat the candy out of their reward jar and scold them for not even attempting to be diaper-independent. "Well, if you're not going to go potty, then I'll just eat all of your candy for you." Now I'm so hooked on the sugar high that I can't stop eating the stuff. At night I finish the jar and we have to make another trip to the bodega to get more goodies. My bodega store owner is getting suspicious of my parenting techniques as I buy more and more sugar goodies.
Ugh! Will this ever end? I'm tired of changing poos as big and more numerous than mine. I'm tired of spending tons of money on diapers for two...not because they are incapable but because they inherited my stubborn willful tendencies. Is this payback time for all I put my parents through? Well, at least I'll get a book deal out of it...to save parents from failing as miserably as I have. I could call it, Potty Train Your Kids Before College or worse What to Expect When Your Kids Go to College in Diapers.
5 comments:
This is one of the funniest blog posts I've read in a long time, Laura. Well done. I hope A and A get with the program soon.
Josh
It made me laugh too, although I can feel your pain. Caroline actually was potty trained and then digressed. I'm so tired of changing sheets and clothes that I've put her back in diapers at naptime (we never stopped at night). The good news is...they'll be too embarrassed to keep doing it at least by the time they start school and realize no one else still wears diapers. Then the pressure will come from somewhere else, at least. In the meantime, sorry you keep having to fork out the money for 2 kids in diapers!
Hilarious, Laura. I was laughing so hard I might have woken my kids up. I stink at potty training too!
Laura...
Erin B. here...I've been reading your blog secretly for months :) This one had me hooting with laughter. It is the same at my house, although I only have one (who needs to be potty trained) to contend with. This was the high-point of the hilarity for me: "I'm tired of changing poos as big and more numerous than mine." Well said. Me too.
Hey sweet friend! I try to post a comment all the time and it fails...hopefully, this one will work. Ok, I wish you could see the tears rolling down my face! Way to go, A & A! Don't give in too easily...hold out for the promise of a car or something cooler than candy! I thought Ethan and Mason were hard, but you guys take the cake! I miss you SOOOO much...I will call soon. Oh yeah, I need your number. I lost my cell phone and all my numbers with it. Email me at khcox8997@bellsouth.net, ok? I love you and can't wait to talk to you! Kathy
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